Nothing good to say

It's been two weeks since I've been here. Believe me I've thought about blogging several hundred times within these last couple weeks but I just haven't been able to do it for one reason or another. Main reason is LIFE! There is a lot going on in and around our lives right now. I'm just overwhelmed with my life. I can not think of one area (in my life) that I don't feel completely consumed by. Consumed really isn't a good word for it. I feel like I'm trapped and the water is rising. Yes I know that's a very dramatic picture to paint but that's basically what I feel. When I start to see the "water rising" in my mind, I quickly turn my thoughts to another subject. Bad thing is that the same image slowly creeps into that thought as well! And so on and so on... This sounds much worse than it really is. I'm actually kinda laughing about this imagery to myself right now as I type this. I guess that's because the things that are happening aren't horrible, it's just that there are SO MANY things going on. It's the quantity! It's just so much to handle and process all at the same time.


To start with, Jeremy has finally decided he wants to switch jobs and I can't say I blame him. He has worked for this company for 13 years. Keep in mind that Jeremy is only 30. He's ready for a change and if that's what he wants, I'm behind him on it. But it's just so scary. Jeremy works for an American automotive parts manufacturer and that business has been scary these last 3 or 4 years. You just never when they are going to shut down a line or a plant and you could be out of a job like that. Jeremy is a mechanical technician so he is definitely a skilled worker in many, many areas but it would/is hard to find a job where we currently live (economy is horrible in the town he works in) making as much as he does. So...I was processing this so slowly last week because I don't think I could wrap my mind around what all this meant. I finally asked him if that meant we were going to have to move and he said probably. I think I knew that in the back of my mind but just couldn't bring myself to say the words aloud. Not that moving is the end of the world but it's an idea I need time to get use to. So, backing up a bit, here's what has made Jeremy decide it was time to start looking for a new job. Like I said, basically he wants to do something different, but the other part is two fold. (Just thinking about typing it is exhausting!!) Here we go...

First Part
Jeremy came home from work a week or so ago and told me that he was being sent to Europe for some training in a few weeks. It just so happens that it was the same day that all this happened. I thought he was kidding, he really likes to push my buttons when I'm on the verge. I told him that I didn't even want to hear it because I couldn't handle anything more after the day I had. When he finally did tell me the whole story, it turns out he has to go during Jeffrey's first birthday and he's gone over 2 weeks straight. Many things come to my mind when I hear this:
1. Jeremy is not a good traveler, especially alone (without me) and overseas, bad combination.
2. Jeremy does not like Europe (that's putting it nicely).
3. He's going to be gone during Jeffrey's birthday - wonderful.
4. I'm going to be alone with these kids for over 2 weeks....

Okay, the selfish side of me is really obsessing over 3 and 4. Especially number 4 (remember I did say the selfish side of me!!!) Jeremy first traveled to Europe back in September 2001. He had a horrible time and didn't enjoy any of it. He called me every night at like 2 or 3 am (we didn't have children then but I was working!). He was miserable and it made me miserable to say the least. He came home two days before 9/11 happened and I think it scared him. But that's a whole other story.... So he wants to quit this job because he's upset over the way his company has handled the scheduling of this trip. It's a long sorted story but I do understand how he feels about it all. Plus I think it all just boils down that it's just time for a change...

Second Part
Granny and Papa have decided that they are going to have to move south next winter. He has been having horrible respiratory issues and his Dr finally told him he needed to quit his job and stay home. (It's still cold here and that seems to really effect his health.) So we are both taken back by that. Jeremy said it best, we all knew it was just a matter of time before it came to this. He's right but it's not easy. I just can't imagine them not being here. So I think both of us are wondering why we should stay here. Neither one of us love this town. I mean it's okay but I would prefer to be somewhere else. Jeremy used to really like it but I think he's over that! : ) Plus it's so expensive to live here. We are paying a lot in property taxes and we live in a very modest (ugly) house. I also told Jeremy that with them leaving, we have nobody here. Now, let me explain. What I mean is that we rely on them and they are pretty much our only babysitters. Granted, they haven't babysat too much since Jeffrey was born but they are all we have. Liz is here too but she works so much and I really hate asking her to help unless I really have no other choice. I'm sure that's the last thing she wants to do on her day off is watch my two wild children! So without them here, I feel like we're stranded. Jeremy's other sister, Melissa, lives about 15 minutes away from us but we hardly see them. They both work a lot and have 3 children as well. So maybe it's just time for us to move as well.

The funny (ironic) part of all this is that this is how things always happen to me. Everything happens all at once to me. Really defining moments in my life consist of every aspect (good or bad) of my life changing at the same time. Is it that way for everyone????? Or am I just lucky????

So in a nutshell, I'm overwhelmed by
-my in laws moving away
-my husband searching for a new job
-possibly selling our house (not to mention getting it ready to put on the market. This has already sparked a few mad discussion sessions. Ugghh...I can't even go there.)

But here's what else I'm also stressing over:

- I'm having a birthday party for the boys' next Saturday. Nothing has been done for it. Nothing. I didn't even mail invites for it. I feel horrible for saying this but I don't even want to have it. They don't understand it yet and it's so much work and they don't know the difference if you have it or not. Plus I don't want to invite the people that I HAVE to invite. That's a long story - trust me it's longer than this post in itself. Plus I'm doin it all - me, myself and I!!!!

- Jackson turned 3 on Wednesday which was great. We had a really beautiful day for the most part. I really think he had a good birthday. The downside of this is that he's been having behavior issues for the last month or so and it's horrible. He had a MAJOR meltdown on his birthday about getting out of the car when we got home from the park. It was the usual ingredients of a meltdown:
Too much fun + not enough napping = hell breaking loose!
It was the worst one he's had yet. But like Mindy told me earlier this week, 3 is the new 2. I'm believing it because everyone always said "terrible 2's" and that wasn't true for Jackson. It must be the "tantruming 3's".

-Jeffrey has been a little sick. Nothing horrible but it just means that I've been up with him at like 2 in the morning for a couple hours trying to make him feel better and get him back to sleep. It's exhausting. I like sleep and don't function well without it.

-I've been doing so many projects for work that I can't even remember the last time I scrapped for myself. If I did scrap what I wanted to, I would probably feel a whole lot better.

-I didn't work this week so I've spent a lot of time with the kids without a break. I think my last break was on Easter Sunday when I begged Jeremy to take them both to Granny and Papa's so I could clean the house. Our house was so dirty that I couldn't stand it anymore. Seems like I'm the only one cleaning it much these days. Jeremy picks up a lot and empties/fills the dishwasher but that's as far as it goes for the most part. I must say he did dust the bedroom last week and wanted an ribbon for it. But that's yet another story....Men.

So, I'm going to end this rant for now. It's five o'clock and my dumb dogs want to eat and Jeffrey needs some milk and Jackson needs to get up from his late nap.....the list goes on and on. More later.