Because of You

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I’ve learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it’s not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that’s weakness in your eyes
I’m forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can’t possibly break
When it wasn’t even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don’t know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I’m ashamed of my life because it’s empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

I have decided

that I love old furniture painted anew, thrift shops, and old wire baskets.



that my front porch needs an overall. Needs a fresh look badly. Is it too early for fall decor??? I also need to get out the power washer and give it a GOOD cleaning. Bye Black Eyed Susans...you were beautiful.



I'm so ready to tear out the carpet and half wall dividing the playroom and kitchen. I also have too much furniture in there.


that I should always fold laundry as soon as it comes out of the dryer otherwise it sits for awhile. Here's a decorating tip: don't ever put white tile with white grout in a "mud room". What was I thinking??? White anything and 3 dogs DO NOT mix.



it's time for Jeffrey to upgrade to a big boy bed. This is my old bed I brought home from Dad's. Covered in dust and Mrs. Grossman stickers! It's perfect for him.



No matter how well organized my scrapbook supplies are, it never fails that I always make a disaster out of them once I start multiple projects. This is AFTER I picked up. It was 10 times worse than this and I forgot to take a picture before I started.



that I like Jeremy working 3rd shift. He's able to spend more time with the boys. He's home just as they are waking up in the morning and he's also able to pick them up from school if he wants. (sorry this is the only picture I took of him yesterday!)


I'm ready to let go of more clutter. We are planning on moving to the farm (or close by) within the next year and I am not moving junk. I need to go through my closet and get rid of clothes that I haven't worn within the last year. I sorted through my recipe binder the other night and that was nice. That seems to be an area for me that accumulates rapidly.


I'm super ready to say goodbye to this tired kitchen. It is just begging for a sledge hammer. I know someday these horrid yellow countertops will be a distant memory..can not wait!



...ahhh much better!

Don't give up on me

God, I'm down here on my knees
'Cause it's the last place left to fall
Beggin' for another chance
If there's any chance at all
That You might still be listenin'
Lovin' and forgivin' guys like me

I've spent my whole life
Gettin' it all wrong
And I sure could use Your help
'Cause from now on

I want to be a good man
A do like I should man
I want to be the kind of man
The mirror likes to see

I want to be a strong man
And admit that I was wrong man
God, I'm asking You to come change me
Into the man I want to be

If there's anyway for her and me
To make another start
Could You see what You could do
To put some love back in her heart?
'Cause it goin' to take a miracle
After all I've done to really make her see

That I want to be a stay man
I want to be a brave man
I want to be the kind of man
She sees in her dreams

God, I want to be your man
And I want to be her man
God, I only hope she still believes
In the man I want to be

Well, I know this late at night the talk is cheap
But Lord, don't give up on me

I want to be a givin' man
I want to really start livin', man
God, I'm asking You to come change me
Into the man I want to be

Good Things

Today I love the..
Smell of: Fresh green peppers from my sister's garden
Sound of: Gary Alan
Taste of: Blueberry Morning Cereal
Sight of: clean, folded laundry
Feel of: pjs

Good Things about Today:
- Making a scrapbook layout for work
- Made it through the day with the two children (although I had a couple moments that I thought I was going to totally lose my cool)
- Getting time alone at the end of the day...enjoyed the quiet

Random photo I love:

It's been a busy summer for us. We spent almost all our free time at the farm during the months of June and July. I think it's safe to say, we all enjoyed it. But once August started, things changed. We haven't been back to the farm since August 1. Jeremy & I have both been working a lot and our work schedules haven't allowed us to go back.


A couple weekends ago we redid Jackson's room. I told him before Summer started that we would repaint his room and put down new flooring and since we only had a weekend before school started, we were on a deadline!

Here's one before shot:

Jeremy started on it on a Friday afternoon while I was working and it took 3 solid days of work but it turned out great. We are planning on selling our house in the spring of next year so we are starting to neutralize the interior. I choose a color that I would have never picked on my own, it's called "In Your Eyes". I read several decorating blogs and went with a color that was suggested. Of course the original color they provided was no longer available, so I just went with something similar.



Did I mention that the boys helped? They really wanted to paint and they did a good job. There are no child labor laws in this house!



Here's Jeffrey having one of his "Jeff moments".








I asked Jackson want color he wanted to paint and he said black and red for Batman and Robin. I said I don't think so! We compromised by buying him a new Batman comforter. The rooms looks so much better. It's funny, it's one of those things, you don't know how badly you needed a change till after it's done. Jeremy wasn't too cracked up about the color in the beginning but once it was done, he loved it.
I don't have any pictures of the end result yet...will try to post them within the next few days.

The room remodel has inspired me to really get moving on the rest of this house and also made me realize how much work it's going to take to get everything ready. We will be spending our ENTIRE winter repainting, reflooring, and "rekitchening" our house. It's going to be hard work but it will be worth it in the end.

Jackson started Kindergarden last week...







Things got off to a rough start but so far this week, it has been a little smoother. Then Jeffrey started preschool yesterday. We are all trying to adjust to this new schedule.

Outside my window...

Outside my window....the sun is setting. It's been a beautiful day. Not too hot or humid.

I am thinking...about my Dad. We were cleaning out his attic yesterday and ran across a book of his baby pictures that we had never seen. I also found the sales catalog for the 1964 Ford Thunderbird Convertible that he bought brand new. There were also a couple of pictures, all the paperwork and a set of keys to it. I love old cars so this is really cool to me. I had never seen this picture before yesterday. Pictures are really a gift.

We also came across a couple other envelopes of pictures in a very odd location. They were of my nephew Cael (now 7) when he was born and when the triplets had their first birthday party at the hospital. My Dad always took pictures but never showed them to us. We always thought that was weird but it really has turned into a gift now.

I am thankful for...my family and friends who are turning into family.

From the kitchen... not a darn thing! No cooking for me today!

I am wearing...the latest outfit I picked up from Goodwill. I finally decided that my clothes were "done". I went to Goodwill last week to pick up some outfits to wear while working on the farm and cleaning out Dad's house. It doesn't take long for them to get destroyed.

I am creating...scrapbooks with the boys about Dad's neighbor, Paul and his family and their farm. My kids are obsessed with this man to say the least. Not only will he have to get a restraining order against my sister, Mindy, but also against my two children. (kidding). Jackson told me today that I could just drop him off there next weekend so he can help Paul and he'd be just fine.



I am going...to watch the new season of Rescue Me tonight and scrapbook.

I am reading... Prince of Tides and The Sound of Hope (book about Auditory Processing disorder).

I am hoping...it doesn't rain anymore. The farm is a mud pit!

I am hearing...the sound of my son, Jeffrey, slurp his chocolate milk out of the bottom of his cup while he watches Olivia. He will be screaming in a minute or two when I tell him it's time for bed.

Around the house...Jackson went to bed tonight about 6:30. He said he had a bad headache. I'm just hoping I'm not going to get woke up at 4 am when he wakes up ready for the day!


One of my favorite things... a good night's sleep is wonderful anymore. The little things are ranking pretty high on my list these days...


A few plans for the rest of the week...it's 4th of July weekend but Jeremy is on call for work so we won't be going anywhere. We have no plans.

A picture to share...


My brother in law, John. I prefer to call him Juan Valdez...

One Month

This morning I went to a local florist to order a plant for the funeral for Jeremy's Grandma. She died last week after just recently being diagnosed with liver cancer. When the clerk asked me what I wanted written on the card, I just about lost it. I'm sure that the young girl across the counter thought I was a fruitcake but it was just too much for me. Unfortunately it really wasn't about Jeremy's Grandma, it was about my Dad. I held myself together long enough to make it back to the car.

While driving home, a conversation I had with my Dad about 6 years ago came to mind. I had called Dad on my way home from work to tell him that Jeremy and I were getting married in a week or so on New Year's Eve. He was surprised especially since Jeremy and I weren't engaged. He said, "Well that's great news." I said, "will you come? After the ceremony, we are having a little party at our house for everyone." He responded, "No, I can't. I bought tickets with some friends to go to a party in the Quad Cities." I said "Okay that's fine. I understand since this is such short notice." When we hung up, I thought that was really odd that he wasn't going to come to our wedding, especially since the man had never told me NO once in my entire life. About 5 minutes passed, when my phone rang again and it was Dad. I answered my phone and he practically screamed into the phone, "Did you just tell me you're getting married????" I said "Yes, we're getting married!" He laughed hysterically and said, "OHHHHH! I'm sorry I didn't understand what you were saying. It just hit me after we hung up that you said you were getting married. Of course I'll be there. What can I bring???"

Remembering this story made me laugh a little because this was my Dad. Dropping whatever he was doing, no matter how important it was, and running to be with his family or to help a friend.
He was always there no matter what and now he's gone...